A Parade of Sub-Standard Photographs

Before I say anything else, I’m putting it out there that anyone who takes it upon themselves to perform a spontaneous act of kindness and get me either an Iphone 4 (or above) or an SLR camera will be rewarded with all the unquantifiable karma I can carry back from the duty-free in Delhi.

Yes it has been ages, but I can’t face plodding through an apology – there just aren’t enough hours in a day, and that’s the fault of whoever made days up, not mine. But hey, here I am, back with the keyboard and a blank screen in front of me. I’m gonna fill it up with pictures.

I’ve taken a lot of pics on my Iphone’s rapidly deteriorating camera – like 600 pics since the event at the start of the month. A heck of a lot has happened since then: I got a nice 50% raise, I decided to spend another month in India, Liv and I began Hindi lessons, we had an awesome Diwali party at our friend Sanjay’s house, I got roaring drunk on a small number of exquisite occasions, and I’ve returned to my healthy streak after a post-event slump. The pictures:

Jodhpur RIFF Festival

Mehrangarh Fort, fully lit up for Jodhpur RIFF Festival-

One of the gigs in the fort, set in one of the biggest ancient courtyards-

Raving with royalty, in another haveli (courtyard) in the fort-

A DJ from the Netherlands, totally out of place, but I wouldn’t have wanted him anywhere else-

Dawn at Jaswant Thada, calm after the storm-

Scottish folk singers welcome the sunrise over Jodhpur-

It was the last gig of the RIFF, and an amazing way to see off the festival for those who’d made it for the 5:30am start-

The location of the sunrise gig next to Jaswant Thada, taken as I head off further up the cliff for a run-

Further up the cliff-

And further-

The Event, Early November

Winner of the ‘best dress of the event award’ as decided by me, watching the very impressive Bollywood performances.

Calm before the storm: Manoj taking a chance to relax and pretend he’s at Hanwant Mahal to party, a few minutes before 120 drunken revellers arrive.

Some Marwari dancers within the cloisters of the fort- just some of many, many performers the guests got to watch as they made their way as a procession to the fort’s ramparts for pre-dinner cocktails.

Liv deserves some serious credit for these designs of the birthday boy (I’m pretty sure it’s glaringly unprofessional to name him) in Rajasthani dress. She drew up a load of cartoons, and a man worked through the night to recreate them in rice on the floor of RAAS.

Trying not to go into meltdown in the infamous Maharani Warehouse (Star Wars connoisseurs – compare to Watto’s junk shop on Tatooine) as the colour theme is changed the day before the event.

Diwali

My first (and so far only) experience wearing the Kurta Pyjama. I’m here with Amit, who is a superlative dude. Think The Big Lebowski meets Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, bundled into a person.

Diwali kicking off in typical anarchic riot-esque style.

Liv with Sanjay, whose family invited us over for Diwali. Incredible food, hospitality, fireworks and, crucially, booze.

Sanjay’s son wielding magnesium on a stick.

Trying to photograph fireworks is a skill I have not yet mastered.

Sparkle…

And shine – the Diwali lights outside Achal Niwas (our guesthouse). Like Christmas lights in the UK, but observed with much more vigour.

Birthdays

Bhanu setting about removing all traces of spherical objects, starting with Ramsingh’s head.

Action shot of Bhanu the fun-terrorist.

Cute father-and-son birthday moment.

My favourite picture yet. Ramsingh looks like a feeder, Manju looks miserable as sin. She isn’t ever miserable, incidentally. Manju rocks.

Weirdly creepy photo of Ramsingh being fed yet more cake.

Liv resolving her beard envy with cake.

Miscellaneous

This guy hangs around the gym sometimes. He works in a fibreglass shop, and I can’t help but put two and two together when I see his bulging, skewed left eye and his cripple foot. He’s happy as larry, but gets everywhere sitting on the ground, lifting himself along with his arms.

A dalmatian goat seriously lacking in things to look forward to.

I managed to get three bananas on Manju’s head in protest when she started talking about wasting money (a popular topic, which is applied to spending money on anything, including water, haircuts, and peanuts). She then told me off for wasting money on bananas.

A competitive thali (Indian tapas), pushing for the accolade of best thali I’ve had yet.

A decent entry-level thali from Gypsy restaurant.

My favourite Indian dish, I think: Rawa Masala (plus Cheese) Dosa. Crispy, full of masala goodness, and comes with a few pots of undisclosed yum soup/sauce.

A winning cake. Eyes only, sadly.

This was called something like ‘Red Dragon Flaming Sizzler’ at Gypsy restaurant. It was absolutely vast, but I just about managed every blistering mouthful.

Liv having something inexplicable but relating to a marriage ceremony and/or the fact that she is a white person at a marriage ceremony.

Liv’s initiation ceremony into the cult.

Food preparations for a reception to hand out wedding invites for the wedding reception. Really.

Scenic cookery.

Sawan is properly safe.

Check it out Hannah Kate Roy – I’ve brought Pucket to India!

The tobacco man, who only sells baccy by the kg.`

Liv examining her new haircut in Movie Beauty Parlour. Meanwhile I received an harrowing massage from a guy who insisted he gave me the massage on his bed, rubbed mustard seed oil on me, then proceeded to massage every bone in my back with vigour while his forehead dripped onto my back for an hour.

The dude who makes kites. He’s really happy. That’s all.

Umaid Bhawan Palace, built on the edge of a massive desert. Because Maharajas can.

The palace again – a large part of it has now been converted into a luxury hotel.

Rila, Mr. Singh’s assistant, was imported from Delhi for the event. Excellent company, she’s hooked me up with a relative who runs a sushi restaurant in Goa that I can stay with/work for while i’m drinking too much over the festive period down there.

The perfume man has the most awesome shelves full of bottles in his store. Most of them stink to high heaven, but some could give brand perfumes a proper run for their money I reckon.

Probably one of the less intelligent ideas I’ve had since coming to Jodhpur – I ended up running along the city wall, which is lumped, unstable, and sports about 6-10m of vertical thrill on either side. Cool photo though.

I asked to get my shoes polished and watched in horror as the most expensive item of clothing I had ever bought had the leather painted over with a totally different colour. It was like the Paint & Spray in GTA, but for shoes.

Inside the walls. I climbed up the outside of the walls and through an arrow hole thing to get inside. I very much doubt there has been anyone looking after this part of the wall for the last few decades at least.

This is Vicky, the omelette guy. He invited us to his wedding reception, during which the married couple stand on a stage for 5 hours or so without rest, while people trot up to have their photo/video taken with them. By the end Vicky was visibly shaking from exhaustion. Properly thorough way to make sure you get photos with all the guests though I guess – kudos.

The reception for giving out invitations for the wedding reception. I got a silly orange turban to wear. Clearly the excitement resulted in me doing a wonky mouth for a bit.

Right, so that’s all the photos I can face doing now. It takes bloody ages to get them all up, and I’m meant to be meditating in less than 6 hours. I’ll try and keep things updated so there’s at least a new post a week. Sorry this isn’t more thorough/elaborate, but there’s an awful lot to catch up on and I think this is the best way. I’m now staying in India for an extra month (until February 11th, probably), but will explain about this more when it is confirmed/when I next post.

On the music side of things- I’m getting my head around Bollywood and traditional Rajasthani music at last: I can tell what’s good and what’s bad, and have my own tastes developing like a real person who understands Indian music and everything! But the album that’s been going through my head for the last week has been ‘The Seer’ by Swans. It is terrifying, inspiring, has some amazing grooves which build and build. The whole thing is this mad crazy trance like swirl, and the album cover looks like the Cheshire Cat. I think there’s something of the dystopian gothic side of Alice in Wonderland in the music actually. It’s definitely not for everyone, but check it out:

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